Photo Credit: Erika Ulloa Fine Art Photography

What the *$%&^ 2020?!!

What the *$%&^ 2020?!! You got me so annoyed that I’m swearing like a sailor!

I’m frustrated, agitated, freaked out, more emotions than I can even process right now.

You were supposed to be my year. This was going to be the year that I do it. That I make it. That it was all going to be worth the pain, horror, the stress of starting my own business. This was the year that I was going to get that amazing 100 fold bumper crop…until you allowed that psychotic hail storm called coronavirus to hit us all and now I’m left with fields upon fields of dead plants and I’m wondering how the hell do I turn this into a harvest…is anyone feeling me? Go ahead and raise your hand.

What’s worse is that 2020 you started out right. I had events lined up from mid-January to mid-May. Most of them were paid. All amazing. I was excited to help my clients bring them to life and create these amazing narratives through the events. It was going to be epic…so why did you have to go and ruin it? WHY?!!!

Am I the only one that wants 2020 to be a person so you can punch them in the gut ala Captain Gregson of Elementary?

That’s how I feel. Like I need to get this out of my system and then I’ll be okay. Isn’t this part of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance?

I keep bouncing back to anger and going through the cycle again, so I thought this round, I’ll let it out.

At this point, I’m way past denial. That’s where I was three weeks ago when I still had a food festival and 8 other events to go through the busy season. When all was well. When we’d only heard whispers of COVID-19 and thought the world was being a little paranoid about things.

Then I skipped anger and went straight to bargaining. Hey, we can still make this work. They haven’t canceled all events. Ours is inside, and we’re not going to have that many people at one time. Let’s just move forward with them. By the end of the week though it was clear that my business world wasn’t going to make.

The last few weeks were depressing. The horrifying reality of what was going on and how this was affecting not just me but my friends, family, neighbors the world…? So now I’m at anger…didn’t quite following the direct path (rarely ever do)…but hey once I’m done with anger, then I can ask the real questions like what now?

What are you going to do now given our new world order? For me, well there are a few things that I’m going to do, and I’ll be sharing more in the coming weeks with you all. But one of those things is this, blogging. Been meaning to and now that I have a little bit of time on my hands, thought why not.

But first I had to pour out my hurt, pain, frustration on paper. Because I want to move on to acceptance. Not acceptance that all is lost but that guess what 2020…you’re still my year. Simply taking a different path than I thought to get there.